On friends, facebook friends and also penpals...

I'm basically a shy person.. I can be a little tongue tied at times and don't have much to talk about most of the times.
Where my husband is an extrovert who can sit down and talk with his friends or even clients for over an hour or two, I usually conclude my chit chat or talk within 30 minutes, even less..
Before being involved in the unit trust business I am doing now, I could not even approach someone without cringing deep inside. I guess I had an inferiorty complex and am introvert. I did not know much about making friends which is sad. My husband did not just understand how I never had any friends I can hang out with when we got married.
It's not like I don't as I used to have 2 very close girlfriends, my pet sisters(very close girlfriends who we decided to adopt each other as sisters-for them, I was an extra sister, for me, they were the sisters I never had). We used to hang out together and go places together, clubbing and such. Everyone(deejays and such) was just so used to seeing us together that when one of us was not there, they would question where was the missing one..
But my 'sisters' have since gotten married like me, and moved overseas.. One of them is in the U S A , and the over one is in the Netherlands, so I no longer have close friends to hang out with.
Enter Facebook which I learnt about and was urged to join by my schoolmates at a chance high school reunion last year. I was sceptical but quickly fell in love and got 'addicted'(like how my husband would put it-since I have to check my facebook every 1/2 hour or so).
It's was an amazing experience as I got in touch with a lot of people I thought I lost touch with over the years, some dating back to even so very long ago. And I also found so many new friends and acquaintances who are so cool and sweet.. Of course there are some weirdos but lets not get into it.
Penpals.. I also found.. The ones I've been corresponding over the last couple of years and new ones.. These people all enriched my life further from what my family has given me and open my mind and eyes to new horizons and such..
It's been so much fun, exchanging letters, postcards, little gifts, stickers, keychains, magnets and so much more and messages, and comments.. To all my friends, facebook pals and penpals.. I really LOVE you guys and thanks so much for enriching my life with your presence..
*hugs*

A walk down memory lane..

People who know me does not really see the real me or know the real me.. Some people might see a scared or shy person.. Some might catch a glimpse of the cheeky devil in me.. Some might see yet another view..
I suppose not many people or even anyone knows what I've been through..
My childhood was difficult. I was a painfully shy kid.. Even a quiet one.. To my school mates I was mischievious, even lazy, naughty, and a nerd.. I often went without doing my homework, losing my exercise books, and I wore thick glasses to school because of my short sightedness. I had a few close friends, school mates or class mates who put up with my nonsenses and still took the trouble to befriend me.. I had a few snubs.
To all those of my friends who took the trouble knowing me, being my friend, thanks so much. Without your friendship life could have been harder for me.
My parents split up when I was 3, and my father did not care what happened to me anymore once the ink was dried on the divorce papers.
There was no birthday cards , no presents, no hugs or kisses or even a birthday wish.. He wiped my existence off his memory. As far as his family was concerned, they had no use for a female child. Grand daughter or niece or such.
As far as I know, he got married a year or so after the divorce and went ahead to father a son and a daughter on his second wife but sadly, I never met these siblings of mine.. I won't know them if they sat next to me or walked passed me..
My mother had her own problems. She was really dependent on her mother(my grandmother), who was actually her adoptive mom. My grandmother passed away after suffering two years being bedridden with stroke and she went off the rails. She started mixing with the wrong crowd, dating unsuitable men, unscrupulous characters who taught her to gamble and such. She quickly went on and started gambling on a daily basis.. Mahjong, gin rummy, poker, one arm bandit aka plot machines and 4Ds.. She spent hundreds everyday on that and my whole life was transformed from a normal kid to a troubled kid..
How not to be troubled when my mother or her boyfriend might pick me up after school and take me to some gambling den where they would be gambling the day and night away, whilst I would sit at the corner doing my homework, reading or such. If I was tired, I would be dozing in a bench or chair somewhere there.
Sometimes it was over night. I learnt to sleep with the lights and noise and I was the only kid there.
If she won some games, she would treat me to some book or toys or a nice fancy meal in some nice restaurant. However if she lost, she would be very moody and start picking on me. Some slight mistake or anything wrongly said could earn me a tight slap or curses.
Things went from bad to worse when she lost most of the money my grandmother had left behind for her. She started making me her punching bag, someone or something to release her tension and anger or frustrations. I would get hit and there would be horrible welts all over my arms or thighs.
She then had a live in boyfriend who soon chose to take advantage of that and offered me protection over my silence as he started sexually abusing me. It was horrible but for a kid like me back then, I thought it was less painful to endure. So I gave in.
This went on for sometime and my grades fell. From a top 5 scorer in my class, my grades got worse and worse. My concentration was not there and no one knew what was going on in my life.
I wasn't very popular and I supposed to some of my friends I was a lazy good for nothing student who was with mischief most of the times.
Amazingly, I got through my high school final exams with reasonably good grades.
I bided my time, went to work and the following year, moved from Bukit Mertajam to Penang where I got a job in a hotel. I fell in love with the boy/man(he was only 20 to my 19) who was to be my first husband. Looking back I fell in love with the thought of being in love as I was so starved for affection and love then. One thing led to another and I got pregnant and with that forced to get married. We were married for 3 years plus. In that period, we had a son and a daughter. My husband then was just one year older then me. But we soon realized how much difference we had and split up. Since my ex husband did not come from a well to do or rich family and neither did I, I left with only the clothes on my back to start my own life, forced by circumstances to leave my kids behind with their father and grandparents as I could not have offered them anything much, shelter, food or security as I did not have any myself. They were safe and loved and among family members where they were. It was no easy choice and many people often wonder how I could leave my kids behind but well, circumstances made it so.
I was free again but all alone and I moved to KL, the city of bright lights and promises but at the price of leaving the kids and starting with nothing.
I was fortunate to have a few friends then who put me up at their places whilst I tried to get a job or start some business-mostly MLM, direct selling which didn't go far.
That is but another story..
Right now, my mother and I are still talking and reasonably close though sometimes I can't help unconciously feeling resentful towards her. It's easy to forgive but forget? That's a whole lot more difficult especially if you come from where I came from, I think.. I was abused and taken advantage of because she didn't cared enough for me or protected me..

Me..

This is my story.. my blog.. I actually have not much idea as of what I am suppose to write here but ah well... Let's see...

I'll start with myself..

My name is Miera Nadhirah Tan and I am 33 years old.. soon to be 34 on the 29th June 2009 (Please mark my date of birth if any of you reading this have a generous soul and want to give me a flower or a gift...LOL)

I come from a broken family, my parents were divorced when I was but 3 years old, and I grew up with only my mother. My father could not care less and ceased to even remember he had a daughter named Germaine (my name before my conversion). I got nothing from him- not even a Birthday wish or gift for any occasions.

I am a Chinese lady but a Muslim, because I got married twice to Muslim Malay men. (Hmmm...) The first time I got married, I was 19, and it was for all the wrong reasons, and it ended up in divorce less then 3 years later. Don't get me wrong, my ex husband is a nice man.. and none of us were unfaithful or such, but we had just so many differences and different opinions and we were so young then. My ex husband was only 1 year older then me. We had two kids (the only good thing about the marriage I suppose), Suria now 13 going on 14 and Adam now 12 going on 13 (both birthdays are in May)

The second time I got married, was when I was 28 years old. I was then a divorcee or a 'janda' (in Malay language) for over 5 years I think. I met my current husband at my office, he was a much older man but I suppose I needed stability and a 'port' or some 'roots'. He is 15 years older then me but he is the love of my life. He was also a divorcee and had two kids as well from his previous marriage, Daniel now 18 (going on 19 in December) and Alyssa now 14 (going on 15 in June).

I fell in love with him because I thought he was a terrific father despite his divorce and a very responsible man. He was a devoted father, something I failed to have, and something I admired deeply in him.

It's already almost 6 years since we are married and I have never felt more stable or secured as I am with my husband. He is my rock. He lets me be myself, encourage me to work hard, to grow as a human and guides me, even push me sometimes. He comforts me when I am sad and listen to me when I rant when I am upset. (thank you abangku, if you are reading this by any chance...)

And from being all alone, I am now surronded by so many relatives and extended family members I can't even remember everyone. I find it all truly amazing.

I have a wonderful mother in law who is absolutely graceful and inspiring to see. Imagine, an independent 69 year old lady doing things on her own and such... and good in laws...

Then there is my daughter, the one I have with my husband Dzul. She will be 5 this year... But she is such a spoilt brat as she has everyone eating out of her hands... especially her father.. Hmmmppphhhh... much to my annoyance at times, but sometimes, because of what I had missed in my own childhood, I am so happy for her and also envious of her...

I am also blessed in my chosen field, being a unit trust consultant with Public Mutual. It gives me the freedom to do whatever I want, go wherever I want without having to report to anyone else. I also am getting better paid then if I were to work for someone, as what I had done all along over the years.

But the best thing is the euphorific feeling when I have helped some of my clients who had been with me over the years achieve their financial goals. Nothing can explain that feeling but it's just like you've done something really good for someone else, and that's such a blessing..

I suppose that's all I am writing about for now...

Will write more next time......Cheers...

Some of my other pics...

Some of my pics...the first one being with Anne when she was little...

When she was bigger and smarter... and even more demanding...

Me...

My other half... my soulmate, love of my life..

A happy family portrait.... one of my personal favorites....

Cinderella in the making...-A dream come true ...

My daughter Anne wanted so badly to become a Disney princess, so we took her to De One photo studio and let her be transformed temporarily into one... Look at her amazing 'makeover'
It sure wasn't easy and sometimes not that comfortable but she had alot of fun...