the Amish and the elevator.. (SMILE)

A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall for the first time.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny,
silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this Father?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I have
never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is.'

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat
Old lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed
a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a
small room. The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched
the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They
continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the
numbers began to light in the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond
stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to
his son.....

'Go get your mother.'

The Indian With One Testicle

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle
and whose given name was 'Onestone'. He hated that
name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment, Onestone finally
cracked and said,' If anyone calls me Onestone
again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called
him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird
forgot and said, 'Good morning, Onestone.' He
jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into
the forest where he made love to her all day and
all night. He made love to her all the next day,
until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what
he promised he would do. Years went by and no
one dared call him by his given name until A woman
named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being
away. Yellow Bird , who wasBlue Bird's cousin, was
overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him
and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,
then he made love to her all day, made love to her all
night, made love to her all the next day, made love to
her all the next night, butYellow Bird wouldn't die!








Why ???








OH, come on... take a guess !!!








Think about it !!!








You're going to love this !!!



















Everyone knows...


You can't kill Two Birds with OneStone!!!

Love this song........................ by Leona Lewis

"Happy"

[Verse 1:]
Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can't have everything
Don't you take chances
Might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain
Cause love won't set you free
I can't stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

[Chorus:]
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

[Verse 2:]
Holding on tightly
Just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear, ohh
But all these days, they feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me out of here
I can't stand by your side, ohh no
And watch this life pass me by, pass me by

[Chorus:]
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy, ohh, happy, ohh

[Bridge:]
So any turns that I can't see,
like I'm a stranger on this road
But don't say victim
Don't say anything

[Chorus:]
So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me

[Outro:]
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, yeah, happy, ohh, happy
I just wanna be, ohh
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, happy

the Paradox of our Time

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers;

wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints;

we spend more, but have less;

we buy more, but enjoy less.



We have bigger houses and smaller families;

more conveniences, but less time;

we have more degrees, but less sense;

more knowledge, but less judgement;

more experts, but more problems;

more medicine, but less wellness.



we drink too much, smoke too much, spend recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast,

get angry too quickly, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too seldom, watch Tv too much, and pray too seldom.



we have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

We talk to much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life;

we added years to life, not life to years



we've been all the way to the moon and back,

but have trouble crossing the street to meet new neighbour.

we've conquered outer space, but not inner space;

we've done larger things, but not better things.



we've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul;

we've split the atom, but not our prejudice.



we write more, but learn less;

we plan more, bur accomplish less.

we've learned to rush, but not to wait;

we have higher incomes, but lower morals;

we have more food, but less appeasement;

we build more computers to hold more information

to produce more copies than ever, but have less communication;

we've become long on quantity, but short on quality.



These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion;

tall men and shorter character;

steep profits, and shallow relationships.

These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare;

more leisure, but less fun; more food, but less nutrition.



These are days of two income, but more divorce; of fancier houses, but broken homes.

These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throw away morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything for cheer to quiet to kill.



It is a time when there is much in the show window and nothing in the stockroom.

Much ado about nothing

People tend to love to jump into conclusions and make small issues big.. for example, the issue of Christians using the word "Allah", and so many other things, even issues at home.
Why do we live in such a quarrelsome, argumentative society I wonder. Why can we all not survive in peace and respect each other , love each other and try to understand each other more instead of taking offense the littlest thing and make other lives uncomfortable.
Why is it so and why must it be so.....

HAHAHA.. READ THIS~~ WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY..

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me....

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone " Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids.... They will remember. My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.

So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday ! " It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock , when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go !" We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quite bistro with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?" I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind ?" She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, " Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ... Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday"

And I just sat there... On the couch... NAKED..OUCHHH!!

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