First day on the job, the boss asks you to write down your list of hobbies, because he wants to hand them back at the end of the year, to remind you of what you used to do when you had free time.
At the end of your first week of work, enough "old timers" have quit that you have the most seniority in your department.
When I came in the second day my new boss looked at me and gleefully said "Oh good! You came back!!"
The guy who hired you is fired the next day.
When you actually know all there is to know by day two, and your co-workers are asking you for instructions.
"Sorry, we forgot you were starting today. Here is a folding chair and table. We'll try to get you a phone by next week."